Why I put MY life on hold when I had my son

 I have so many people ask my why I stopped doing what I loved when I had my son, I had a new life starting and I wasn’t going to let me old one get in the way of that. Life will pass you by unless you learn to roll with it, my baby needed me and us mommies need that time with them.

At age 20, I had quit my job as a stylist in my dream salon, in hopes to have more ‘freedom’, live life a bit and make my own schedule! Within 4 months we had a salon set up in the house so I didn’t have to travel to peoples homes anymore. The home salon opened In September and by January I had to stop taking clients! I was crazy busy, working 6 days a week 6-9 hours a day! It was great!! More than I had ever thought possible at such an age! I was making awesome money, making my own hours, home with our fur babies and happy!!
July of the following year( had been self employed for almost 2 years and we found out we were expecting!!! We were soo excited! As I told clients everyone got excited but everyone also got worried…. Now they’d have to find a new stylist? I would reassure them.. Its the perfect situation, I can be home with baby, I can work around babies schedule and I’ll only need 4weeks off!

Wow had I fooled myself good!!!!

I worked up until I had Brayden, he was 2 weeks early- the most perfect surprise!! I had never been so wrapped up in a small little human before and all I wanted to do was lay there, holding his sweet little body in my arms! I was 22 when I had him, everyone said ‘your so young!’ I would smile, yes .. Yes I am! I had never been so sure of something the way I was with our new little loving family! He is so perfect, so happy and so healthy and we are so incredibly thankful for him!
So yes … 4 short weeks later and I started working… The messages were pouring in like rain, clients were getting upset when I didn’t respond right away like I used to be able to. I still remember wanting to cry every morning feeling so guilty that I had to work instead of giving him all of my attention. I made it work.
A couple months of this went by and the anxiety starting setting in, the teething started, the days got busier, he was awake more in a day and I was loving getting more awake time with him! But the messages tripled, so the anxiety tripled and my guilt tripled. I had waited so long to hold him,love him and watch him grow.. What was I even thinking?!!
I don’t get a ‘re-do’ of these days, I don’t get a re-do of watching him learn everything for the first time, snuggling him and napping together, going for walks and just being together!! I can on the other hand get a ‘re-do’ of the business/career I had built for myself.
I was done, slowly I told everyone, slowly I slowed down being done and finally the anxiety was gone, the stress, the messages it was all gone! The days got easier, I got to enjoy them more and most importantly I got to enjoy Brayden more💙💙!! Do I have a lot less income now? I sure do! Do I have to budget? I sure do! Am I happy? I sure am!! Would I trade it for the world?nope! I just wish I had done this sooner!
We have a wonderful man by our side that supports me and my decisions, loves watching Brayden grow and learn and loves knowing I get to experience every ounce of it!

I guess my point is, you cannot please everyone in this life, you can’t focus on everyone in this life. Who cares what they think, or say or if they get upset with you .. They too will come around, or become a mom and realize where your coming from. I see solo many mommies upset that they can’t go out and party with they’re friends or spend hundreds of dollars on themselves at s time anymore.. REALITY check! Your a mommy now!!! This is a full time, around the clock job! Your brought this precious little life into the world, its up to you to now show them what this life will be! Sure we all deserve some ‘mommy’ time.. I won’t deny anyone of that! But they also deserve and need mommy!!!

I strongly believe everything happens for a reason, this was what I needed to happen and to feel to realize the importance of priorities! I hope if anyone reads this … You can take from it. Don’t listen to anyone, listen to your gut, your heart and your baby!! I promise you wont regret it ❤

xo.k

 

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